Are your early life relationships impacting your adult workplace interactions?

The impact of unhealthy and unsupportive early life relationships can show up in many ways in the workplace including experiencing difficulties with healthy communication (eg. conflict avoidance, people pleasing, passive aggressive behaviors); problems working collaboratively with colleagues or with leadership; struggles with taking risks; inability to trust leadership.

Here are some tips on managing unhealthy patterns you may have learned in early life relationships that could be impacting your current workplace interactions:

Be aware of your triggers. Triggers are situations, words, actions, or behaviors that consistently evoke a strong emotional reaction. There are people and situations in the your workplace that will trigger you. Your first reaction might be to place all the responsibility for your reaction on the other person.

However, in doing so you put yourself in a disempowered position. Start by reflecting on situations where you have had strong emotional reactions at work. What were the circumstances? Who was involved? What was said or done that upset you? How did you react? Is it consistent with how you usually react in conflict? Did it remind you of any early life relationships? Self-awareness is crucial in breaking old patterns and establishing healthier behaviors in the workplace.

Learn emotional regulation skills: Once you have identified your triggers it is important to manage your reaction to them. Growing up in a household where adults were either too reactive or suppressive of their emotions, you may not have learned healthy self-regulation strategies. Make an active effort to learn skills to better regulate your responses to people you find difficult, while preventing emotional reactions from driving your actions will be essential for you to have healthy and professional relationships in the workplace. 

Skill up on communication Skills: Growing up in households where healthy communication was not practiced, communication skills were not taught or modeled for you, so it will be important to invest time and energy in learning healthy communication skills. Actively work on improving your communication skills includes learning to express your thoughts and feelings more effectively, listening actively to others, or learning to resolve conflicts constructively.

Make effort to invest in relationships in the workplace. Having supportive colleagues can help you feel more comfortable and less stressed at work. Make an effort to get to know your colleagues and build relationships with them. Ask a trusted colleagues for feedback on how you may be experienced in the team and the workplace by others.

Practice self-care. Stress can exacerbate unhealthy and unhelpful behaviors and responses. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, and exercising regularly. Taking care of your physical and mental health will help you better manage your reactions to present day stress.

Seek professional help. If your interactions are causing distress in the workplace, seek professional help. A therapist can help you understand your triggers, learn skills to express yourself in a healthy way, and develop coping mechanisms.

It is important to remember that while unhealthy early life relationships can have a long-lasting impact, they do not determine your destiny. With awareness, self-reflection, skilling-up, and possibly working with a professional individuals can work through these issues and develop healthier, more effective workplace behaviors, attitudes, and relationships.