Little boys are raised to grow up and be ‘strong men.’ What it means to be a strong man is defined by outdated, toxic, patriarchal values. Boys grow up healing “big boys don’t cry” or “be a man,” suggesting that men don’t cry.
It is no surprise that those same boys then grow up to be men who deny their emotions, numb them using addictive substances or activities, or in some cases, end their own life. It is a fact that men are two to three times more likely to misuse substances, and four times more likely to die by suicide. Men would rather die than to tell someone they are hurting or to ask for help.
The word suicide often creates immense discomfort. This highly stigmatised topic is rarely openly discussed. It is shrouded in secrecy and in silence. The UAE recently announced the decriminalisation of suicide and attempted suicide. This is a mark in history for mental health in the UAE. We need to break through the silence of suicide and know that it is both okay and necessary to talk about it and ask for assistance, as it could save a life, including yours. Having conversations about mental health will increase much needed awareness into the public consciousness.
The majority of the people who complete suicide are men. The number one cause of death of men over the age of 45 to 49 in the UK is suicide. Men’s mental health is a topic we care a great deal about at The Lighthouse Arabia. We know how important it is to have open conversations about this subject and to provide a safe platform to do so, not only during these difficult times of COVID, but always.
Breaking the Silence: Below are five important areas to consider:
1. Know the facts
There is so much misinformation about suicide, mental health, mental illness on the internet which further perpetuates our fears, our anxieties, and our stigmas around mental health. Given that one out of four people will struggle with a mental illness at some point in their life (that’s one of four people in your life) it would be important get informed about this topic and also learn how to have the difficult conversations with the people in your life. One way you can do this is by becoming a Mental Health First Aider.
2. Be the one who confronts and talks about the stigma called toxic masculinity
Ignoring the stigma surrounding men’s mental health prevents so many men from seeking professional support and as a result they suffer in silence. Sadly, toxic masculinity still exists today where their notions of what it means to be ‘emotionally strong’ are defined by patriarchal systems. And men and women both perpetuate the stigma by making comments which can alienate those who are struggling “He is being such a drama queen” or “he needs to get it together” or “he needs to man-up.” Such comments and beliefs prevent men from coming forward and showing their vulnerability or asking for help. Instead of perpetuating the stigma, be aware of what you say and learn compassionate ways of engaging about the topic of mental health.
3. Become vulnerable and have conversations
Men can have a lot of influence on the other men in their life, especially those in managerial or senior positions. It is important for everyone to do their part by opening up and sharing their struggles with their colleagues and network. You can do with this by speaking about your personal struggles and what you do to manage your own mental health. By doing this you give your teams, employees, and colleagues to be more open about their hardships and to share when they are going through the stormy life seasons. The more we have conversations about the difficult stuff and raise awareness of the common humanity of mental health conditions, the more the likelihood of people finding the courage to speak about it.
4. Never underestimate the power you have to partake in your own emotional development
Many adults, especially men, were not given the tools to cultivate their emotional vocabulary nor were they given permission to feel their feelings, so they never learned how to speak about it or to regulate it. When you build these skills within yourself, you are more resilient. Research shows that they more words you have in your vocabulary for different feelings, and the more nuanced you are in being able to describe your emotional experiences, the more likely you are able to regulate and navigate the stormy emotional states. Building emotional competence is something that you can learn to explore, implement, and improve.
5. Be the light, raise awareness, not stigma
Everyone thinks ‘who am I to make a difference’ but if we are to break down the stigma around mental health and suicide, it has to be each one of us who steps up and holds the light up to the issue. Be the voice for yourself and others. It starts with you. Our hope lies in creating, investing, and pursuing continuous healthy emotional relationships both with ourselves and others.
If you or someone you know is in emotional distress or struggling with suicidal thoughts, please reach out and get professional assistance.
Always remember, your conversation could save a life. Now is the time to destigmatise men’s mental health.
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