When rumours filtered through to Time Out that, in some underground crevice of this sprawling metropolis, there was a wholly immoral, unreservedly extravagant and shamelessly lascivious restaurant, where all social niceties and conventions were consigned to a box marked ‘get outta here’, we were a tad excited. We couldn’t wait to dump our inhibitions in the abyss and get down and dirty in this hotbed of vice and depravity – a restaurant that’s so bad it’s good. But we couldn’t find Wanton House, so we came here instead.
Wonton House – a new Far Eastern restaurant offering Chinese and Thai food on Sheikh Zayed Road – is a far cleaner proposition, in every sense of the word. With its tidy wooden floors and immaculate soup bar looking in to a gleaming stainless steel kitchen, it’s scrupulously pristine. There’s no alcohol, just wonderfully fresh fruit juices and soft drinks, so it’s ideal for families and those for whom temperance is a guiding light. And when it comes to the age-old conventions of good service and good food, they don’t break a single rule. Well, give or take a couple.
The first minor blunder was to open to the public with only half the menu available. Maybe the Thai chef was having visa trouble, but we were told that we could only order Chinese dishes. So we started with kimchi, which is Korean. The pickled cabbage salad was a crisp and spicy prelude to the momo prawn dim sum, which enveloped minced prawn, onion, garlic and coriander in pinched parcels of dough, and some huge and tasty sui mei chicken dumplings. Already we were enjoying ourselves, and we hadn’t needed to call our morals into question.
On reflection, perhaps our only sin here was gluttony. When the mains had been delivered to the table, there was barely any room for our plates. The Szechuan beef was a gloriously devilish bundle of tender meat in a thick, dark paste, while the duck with hot plum sauce revealed more choice slices of soft moist flesh that quivered in our chopsticks alongside crisp onions and peppers. And the fish with kong pong sauce played ping-pong in the mouth with its delicately curled flakes of moist, smoky hammour. Of course, there was also a giant bowl of writhing, vegetable-tangled Singapore noodles and a vast platter of aromatic five-spice rice with minced prawn. We had been a shade guilty of avarice to add to our wrongdoing.
With two deadly sins under our soon-to-snap belts, the remaining mains were wrapped up in a doggy bag and replaced with desserts. My fried ice cream was a soggy affair, while my friend’s lychee toffee had a little more personality, not to mention some particularly pert fruit. So as I reheated the congealed contents of the tinfoil takeaway cartons later that night, I decided that, although Wonton House was every bit as good as its clean environment and wholesome approach would suggest, it still gives you the chance to be downright naughty. Which isn’t a bad thing.
The bill (for two)
2x mineral waterDhs16
Fruit cocktail juiceDhs20
Avocado juiceDhs18
Mo-mo prawnDhs30
Sui mei chickenDhs30
Kimchi saladDhs25
Beef SzechuanDhs35
Duck with hot plum sauceDhs40
Fish with kong pong sauceDhs40
Five-spice rice with prawnDhs35
Singapore noodlesDhs28
Fried ice creamDhs20
Lychee toffeeDhs20
Total (not including service)Dhs357
Wonton House, Sheikh Zayed Road (04 343 8777). OpenSat-Thu 11am-12 midnight, Fri 1pm-12midnight. All major credit cards accepted. Unlicensed.
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