The best thing that can be said about Dubai Bling is that by the end of the first episode, you almost feel sorry for the cast. You want to reach out to them, hug them, tell them it’s going to be okay. It isn’t their fault that for some of them, their careers, their reputations, their futures, are all in tatters.
Really, it isn’t. They genuinely thought the show would propel them onto the global stage and make international superstars out of them. It’s all the fault of those horrible people from Netflix, who had a grand plan to dish Dubai – and found 10 unsuspecting local residents to help them.
Unfortunately, sympathy is likely to be in short supply. One of the most curious aspects of the show, which launched on Netflix on October 27, is the cast members often describe the type of people they least relate to, before metamorphosing into those very characters. The opening credits aren’t even done before Danya Mohammed tells us: “Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fakest one of all?”
This pretty much sums up episode one, as some of the cast quickly take up Danya’s challenge. First off is estate agent Zeina Khoury, who narrates much of the first episode. She declares she was “part of the team that founded Palazzo Versace Dubai.”
If you search “Zeina Khoury Palazzo Versace Dubai” on Google, the first thing that comes up is a Property Finder ad, and 59 current active listings under her name.
True enough, the fourth listing is for Palazzo Versace – a fine looking three-bedroom apartment for AED300,000 a year. At only 2,237 square foot it sounds pricey, but there is a “big balcony.”
As Zeina herself warns us, “But beware. Among the rich, some are authentic, some are fake.”
Back to challenge, and next up is Ebraheem Al Samadi. “Know your limits because you can’t mess with me,” he announces. Soon after, he adds, “In terms of my net worth, we’re talking more than $90 million.”
Strange, as only a week ago his PR team sent various documents to Arabian Business to prove that he was worth $50 million. Been a bad week clearly. As for those documents, they showed revenues for his Forever Rose companies of $22.5 million last year.
If we go for the $90 million value, based on an absurdly high price/earnings ratio of 9, that means he is doing $10 million profit a year from $22.5m revenues. Either he is the new Mark Zuckerberg, or he is full of, erm, confidence. Do the math.
To be fair to Ebraheem, he gets a hugely unfair kicking on screen from Loujian Adada, after a disastrous blind date. Ebraheem’s delightful mum steals the show by suggesting Loujian is a “gold digger.” No kidding.
Bizarrely much of the first episode is devoted to the struggles of Safa Siddiqui. The struggles include finding more wardrobe space in her bedroom and wondering how to buy the adjacent villa on the Palm Jumeirah and link them both with an underground tunnel. Safa is cast as one of the ten stars, but it’s her long-suffering husband Fahad who you really feel for. If anyone deserves their own spin off series, it’s him.
Anyway, to the challenge….and making a strong case for the winner in episode one is Farhana Bodi. The first time she appears on screen, you ask yourself “Farhana Who?” By the end, you are left wondering “Farhana Why?”
“I feel I’m hardworking,” she says. Presumably this is not the same Farhana who told Gulf News in a recent interview: “I do my pilates and then work out at the gym during the first half of my day. But before I hit the gym or do pilates, I detox my system with a glass of green juice followed by a glass of water with overnight-soaked chia seeds. I am big into detox juices.”
Tough gig.
Farhana gets into a proper girls row with Lojain towards the end of episode one, about something really interesting which we have completely forgotten the details of.
DJ Kris Fade also takes up the “fake” challenge from the very beginning, arriving back from Australia after a five-week holiday with his wife and kids on a private jet. This is actually a flight that is impossible to achieve in one go on a private jet. There must have been several fuel stops in places like Chennai and Jakarta, but the producers thankfully spare us the details.
Fade soon declares “Am I a millionaire? Yeah.”
It isn’t clear who is asking the question. Maybe the pilot?
The highlight of episode one, and a fabulous twist in the plot, comes at the very, very end. When you open Dubai Bing on Netflix, it shows the opening show running for 46 minutes and 27 seconds. But with 54 seconds still to run, it cuts to the credits.
Suddenly, after all the hype, it’s all over. And in more ways than one.
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