Embracing empathy at work, how to battle the ‘loneliness endemic’

The bestselling author of Softening the Edge believes there is still hope to reverse this if we learn how to be empathetic with one another, especially in the workplace where a big portion of our day is spent.

In an exclusive interview with Arabian Business, Nicklin draws from her 15 years’ career advocating for empathy to weigh in on the impact coronavirus has had on empathy levels and on whether technology has hindered or facilitated connectivity.

Nicklin, who is a guest speaker at this year’s Emirates Festival of Literature to be held from January 29 to February 13, also shares her tips on fostering empathetic influence in the workplace.

Why do you believe empathy is important in general and specifically in the workplace?

We’ve had 30 years of declining empathy in the world. The impact of that is far-reaching in society, whether that’s increased levels of anxiety, depression, burnout, and suicide, we’re seeing all kinds of negative impacts from the lack of empathy and connectivity.

I often say we may be living through a health pandemic but we also have a loneliness endemic. We spend a lot of time alone, especially people that travel the world to places like Dubai where they’re moving countries for work and are not with their families.

We now have over 40 percent of people living alone so we are living very disconnected lives. That is not good for us because as human beings we thrive and do better when we’re together.

We also spend 95,000 hours of our lives in the workplace and, for me, it’s impossible that we have normalised the taking of things like anti-depressants to go to work. For me, this cannot continue.

So we need empathy and leadership because we need to be able to balance people with profit. I often talk about balancing humanism and capitalism. This is not about not making money, we all need to make money, but it’s about looking after the people that we have in those organisations, or the people that are making us our money, both for their wellbeing and because it grows our businesses.

There’s lots of data that shows that in emotionally intelligent organisations where empathy is high, we see performance, productivity, and creativity go up. 

What has been the impact of the past year on our empathy levels?

In the beginning, when the pandemic struck and we were seeing the first wave of lockdowns all around the world, we did see empathy go up. There was a lot of community support with streets helping each other and people dropping off food parcels. As the pandemic has gone on and on, human beings have fallen back into a far less empathetic mind-set.

There are two great enemies to empathy. The first is high stress and the second is low time. The part of the brain that actually activates empathy goes down when you’re under high stress and that’s due to the fight or flight mode and how our bodies respond to stress.

Equally, what research shows is that when we feel that we can’t act on our understanding, we reduce our empathy. If I feel that I might be able to understand you but I’m not going to be able to do anything about it, it’s going to make me feel upset and vulnerable, so I turn it off.

Of course, when we’re in the middle of a global pandemic, there is so much uncertainty and insecurity out there. That’s another reason why we’re seeing, over this prolonged period, empathy levels start to decrease again.

So the answer is not a straightforward one: we have pockets of high empathy going on with really great community spirit and understanding, such as in the healthcare sector, but we’re also seeing a numbing over empathy as the insecurity and the fear carries on. 

The book ‘Softening the Edge’ takes inspiration from some of the world’s most powerful opinion leaders

Is empathy something we can foster? If so, how we can develop it to benefit the workplace?

We can absolutely foster it. Empathy is a skill set that we are born with and there’s lots of data and research showing it can be taught, just like any other skill set; and like any skill set, the more you practice it, the better you get.

Within our organisations, the first step towards this is awareness. The second step is a decision to do something on that awareness. Organisations have come around to that understanding and this is one of the really positive impacts of what has been a horrendous pandemic.

There is now a heightened awareness from many organisations on the role of emotional intelligence, mental health, and wellness in the workplace.

After that awareness, there are various steps that can be taken. The backbone to empathy and an empathetic culture is actually listening and I would be as bold as to say that we’ve forgotten how to listen.

Empathetic listening, or active listening, is when you’re really able to understand people and you’re connecting with them. It’s not just about your ears, it’s about eye contact and body language and it’s about listening to understand, not listening to reply.

This is probably one of the first steps in empathy training in the workforce, which is working on areas such as listening, self-awareness, and communication skills. 

Empathy is a skill set that we are born with, Mimi Nicklin said

Has technology hindered or fostered empathy in the workplace?

Technology is a little bit of a double-edged sword when it comes to empathy. One can argue that technology does decrease empathy particularly when it comes to things like cell phones where people are constantly looking at their screens and so not noticing their environment or connecting with those around them.

However, having said that, technology can also be a great aid in increasing our empathy. When you are connecting with someone virtually, you only focus on that person so you are more likely to notice if they are distracted or appear unwell.

Whereas, in a physical meeting with 10 other people, there is a lot going on so it’s less likely you will be aware of how one person is looking. So arguably, the virtual screen has become a way to really hone and improve our empathy.

Are there any tips you can give leaders to build empathy within their teams?

Listening is always going to be my number one tip. Encouraging a listening-led organisation that values hearing people is really important. If you ask someone a question, you have to hear their answer. If you continuously don’t listen to their answer, they will stop giving you information; it’s just human nature.

The second tip is that if you want to build empathy into your organisation, you need to build that into your KPIs. There has to be some level of expectation management because what you measure, manifests. If you just go in and say I want you all to be empathetic, but don’t measure them on it, then it won’t happen.

Technology can also be a great aid in increasing our empathy

The third thing is to really imbue curiosity because asking questions is something that allows us to understand. Really encouraging an open culture, where there is no self-censorship and people feel able to inquire, is going to bring up our levels of empathy and understanding both of our own teams, but also of our customers and our clients as well.

What message will you be bringing to the Emirates Literature Festival?

The most important thing is to bring awareness to the world that we need more empathy, that there is an empathy gap and that we alone are responsible for stopping that.

In 2006, President Obama said: “There’s a lot of talk about our federal deficit but what I think we should be talking about is our empathy deficit.”

In the 15 years that have passed, we have done very little about that, but the time is now. The reason I’m extremely passionate about talking about this is that we have the control to change things because fundamentally, as humans, we are better together, we are stronger together.

The more the world talks about empathy, the more empathy the world will have.