Guilt and pressure: how coronavirus has impacted working mothers

In an exclusive interview with Arabian Business, Dr Sarah Rasmi, licensed psychologist and managing director of Thrive Wellbeing Centre, discussed how coronavirus has exacerbated the challenges faced by working mothers balancing a career with parenting and hence created a breeding ground for mental health issues.

Rasmi, who was part of the Expo 2020 World Majlis panel at the pre-Expo Health and Wellness Week last month, said the stigma around mental health has been greatly reduced both by the emphasis UAE’s government has placed on wellbeing and by the pandemic itself.

Rasmi also gave her advice to employers on how to foster a positive environment for mental well-being in the workplace.

Expo 2020’s Health and Wellness Week is part of a series of Expo-led thematic weeks that seek to address some of the world’s most pressing challenges, hosted in collaboration with Mohammed Bin Rashid University of Medicine and Health Sciences.

What was the impact of the pandemic on working women?

One of the main things I see when it comes to women, in particular those working outside of the home, is a lot of guilt and pressure. There are expectations for us to advance and accelerate in our career and at the same time, there are a lot of expectations around being a mother.

I remember seeing a quote once about how women are expected to work as if they have no children and parent as if they have no paid work. I think that really summarises the challenge and, because this something that is essentially impossible to do, a lot of the times it results in significant feelings of guilt which can be challenging in several ways.

When there is a perceived inequity in the distribution of domestic work, it can breed resentment, irritability and frustration at home, which can also be problematic.

Dr Sarah Rasmi, licensed psychologist and managing director of Thrive Wellbeing Centre

I think it is important to note that, if we look at the data on a more historical level, people tend to overestimate their contribution to the household and underestimate the contribution of their partner, and this works for both men and women.

So what this means is that a lot of time we think we are doing more than our partner, and we experience that perceived inequity that can lead to negative feelings.

Now that we are spending so much more time at home we have all the additional pressures that come along with Covid-19 pandemic and this can be and has sometimes become, a breeding ground for conflict and inter-personal challenges.

What are the unique stressors encountered by women?

The main factor I’d have to mention is the distribution of labour in the household.

Women typically will do the lion share of those responsibilities; that’s not to say there are not homes in which the distribution is more equitable or even the inverse, but generally speaking, the trend that we see is that women will take on more of the domestic responsibilities and also assume more of the cognitive load, which means they are more responsible for thinking about things and making sure that everything is settled and taken care of.

This is something that has existed for a while and it is certainly continuing during the Covid-19 pandemic. It is challenging right now because what has been happening is that people have been working from home and children are studying from home, whether full time or part-time, and as a result, a lot of that extra responsibility is being shouldered by women in addition to some of the other responsibilities that they have.

Add to this an economy that is challenging and a lot of job insecurity and instability; understandably, a lot of women are also being disproportionately affected when it comes to job loss and lay-offs which can also be really difficult and challenging.

People tend to overestimate their contribution to the household and underestimate the contribution of their partner

Is discussing mental health still somehow a taboo in the Arab world and what can be done to mitigate that?

The stigma surrounding mental health certainly still exists both here in this region and internationally. However, there have been a lot of positive steps taken over in recent years.

In the UAE, for example, a lot of the stigma has been reduced by the emphasis that the government has placed on prioritising mental health and wellbeing, most notably through the appointment of a Minister of State of Wellbeing and through a number of key agenda items related to making people in the UAE among the “happiest in the world”, as per His Highness Sheikh Mohammed.

Another thing which helped in reducing the stigma, in some ways, is the Covid-19 pandemic.

Now, more than ever people are feeling comfortable speaking out about the issues and challenges they are facing because, frankly, all of us are and have been struggling over the last year with all of the uncertainty, ambiguity, unpredictability and novelty of the Covid-19 situation, and the challenges that we have faced as a result of that.

I think one of the main things we can do to further reduce the stigma is to normalise the fact that that is OK to not be OK, and part of the way to do that is by being open and upfront about the struggles that we face so that we know that we are not alone, and so that other people know that they aren’t either.

A lot of women are being disproportionately affected when it comes to job loss and lay-offs

How can employers foster mental health wellbeing in the workplace?

The first thing is to recognise that it is important to have employees who are doing well.

It is important for them on an individual level and it’s also important for the organisation in terms of culture and productivity which is particularly important in times of economic uncertainty and downturn, as we have been seeing over the last year.

The other thing is for managers to be able to detect and support people on their team who may be struggling. One of the things that may be quite helpful is for managers to understand the difference between someone who is experiencing common mental health challenges like depression and anxiety and someone who might be experiencing anxiety on a clinical level.

There are many training courses that can be done, and that we offer at Thrive, which can help managers first detect and then be able to approach them with support, kindness and compassion, and refer them externally if there is a need for that.

Organisations can also create and implement an employees’ assistance programme which can include access to individual mental health services, group services and webinars covering common mental health challenges and personal development. This is one of the things we’ve seen a huge uptick during the Covid-19 pandemic.

Another thing that employers can do is create a culture that is supportive and not likely to result in burnout. Right now, it’s a bit tricky because of the economy and people feeling quite unstable in their work which creates a desire, in a lot of ways, for people to push themselves really hard.

Employers can try to help them understand that it is OK to take breaks, encouraging and facilitating taking leave. They can also minimise or eliminate late-night emails and working over the weekend, and similar behaviours that are linked to working intensively.